This Was Hers
by Rae TB
Summary: Mariah couldn't have this. This was hers. GarlandJulia, GarlandMariah, and hinted BrooklynJulia.


Ughhh. Okay, first of all. I'm not dead yet. My fanfiction career is approaching its end, but I still have a few more projects I'd like to accomplish first. This is for my Flamesy who I miss like all hell...and who I really, really owed this to. There's also some GarlandJulia for Astera, because I know she likes that. Granted, I ultimately don't characterize it as a happy sunshine filled romp through a rainbow forest, but they have some fluffy moments in the beginning?

And the fact this is a straight couple is for Kairia all the way. XD Oh, and Chibi Amo too! Yes, there are people I adore that aren't slash fans.

I'm really sorry for being such a sucky friends, you guys. ;.; I love you all, I really do.

Ahem. Anyway, this is an alternative universe thang. Julia is a drama student just because it seemed like she would make a good one for some reason. Mariah is her rival and you guys'll probably be gunning for her after this. Though in my opinion, she saves Julia from ruining her life in a big way.

Also. Garland is a total jerk. Sorry for that. I know I've characterized him as being such in almost all my pieces. That's something I need to work on. Oh, and believe it or not, Brooklyn doesn't show up a lot in here. But there are definite BrooklynJulia undertones, and he's a very important person in this drama.

That's almost everything I wanted to say, but I have to warn you all that my writing style is very different from what it used to be. Some of you will like it more than the old one, some of you will think it's a downgrade. So yus. Proceed with an open mind.

This was his. Julia's supple body, her heart and mind belonged beneath him. She felt safe in Garland's arms. The robust muscles, calloused hands, and sculpted chest were her sanctuary - a rushing and overpowering sense of warmth.

It was a false sense of security, superficial and shallow in thought but it was a constant form of solace. When someone gave Julia a hard time, or her parents got her in the middle of their vicious fighting, or when that no talent Mariah tried to show her up, she had this.

Garland would release a warm breath on the back of her neck, and hold her beating heart in his hand. His strong arms remained a constant, wrapped around her waist, his lips nipping her ear with tenderness only he possessed. Every action screamed protection and with every word he told her it would all be okay.

Julia believed him.

She had no reason not to. The stars were always in the sky, the birds were always chirping, and Garland was always there. His confidence and his strength were her blanket. He would trap her beneath him and she was able to think of nothing else but how he was a real man.

Garland loved Julia. He told her so all the time. He respected that she didn't want to give herself away until she was ready and by doing so, respected her. He admired her strength, her courage, her career choice and would listen as she ranted about bad days, snarled about Mariah, and gushed about Brooklyn. He kept her enemies at bay, and asserted to would be suitors that no, Julia did not want to go out with them.

They were perfect together. Everyone said so. They spent an hour or more on the weekends huddled in bed, whispering secret desires and plans for the future. They would lie on their sides with their limbs intertwined, breathing in the scent of the other, enjoying his presence and all that was her. He was security, protection, and a wall to lean on. She was getting caught in the rain on a Sunday morning, black coffee, and apple blossom perfume.

Garland had bought that for her on her birthday. For him, she was a flower in blossom, and he couldn't wait to see what she would grow into.

Julia loved Garland. She told him so all the time. She loved his ignorance about everything theatre, the quirk of his lips, the strength of his grip. She loved that he was gentle yet rough, demure yet clumsy. She massaged his back on a bad day, and went jogging in the park with him on good ones.

Their favorite place in the park was under the sweet gum tree, because Garland told her she was sweet like gum.

Mariah told Julia that their relationship was sickening.

But an ugly person would always overlook beauty, and Julia was not ugly. She saw what they had.

This was the man she would marry. He was someone she could confide in, grow old with, and look at as an equal. She was his.

And he was hers.

--

"Oh, Julia darling you're not going to wear that wretched thing, are you?"

She didn't miss the obnoxious flick of pink hair and the gleam of catlike eyes zeroing in on their prey.

"Shove it Mariah. Garland likes it."

That statement was enough to clarify her argument, perhaps even her purpose for wearing the dress in the first place. In her mind, she couldn't lose. Garland liked it, and that was enough.

"Ugh. Garland again. I swear Julia, he's all you ever talk about," she drawled. There was no love between them and neither went to great pains to hide their great dislike of the other. It was barely held back, concealed under a layer of fake formality. They used nicknames to patronize each other, eyes to pass judgment, and cruel laughs to intimidate.

None of their tactics worked. They were at a stalemate.

"I have someone to talk about Mariah...someone to talk to. I have a person I love, adore, breathe, and feel. What do you have at the end of the day? Another acting job you'll never be able to put your full heart into? Another meaningless screw? I feel sorry for you. When the month ends, you're left with nothing concrete. You can rely on nothing but yourself." Every word rolled off her tongue naturally. This was the gospel she lived by, this was her meaning, her bible and religion. Who needed God when a soul mate could make her heart pound just as fast?

"That's the way life is Julia, and you're kidding yourself if you think any differently. Existence is nothing but relying on yourself. To think that you can lean on a man and let him carry you through all the rough patches in your life is ignorant. You're still a little girl Julia, and I'll be the one to prove it to you."

Mariah breezed past her, resting a hand on her shoulder, the same one Garland had patted that morning. When he touched her she filled with elation. When Mariah touched her, she felt repulsion. "People don't remain in our lives forever. The only one you can count on to always be a part of you is yourself. And until you feel comfortable with that, and learn to love who you are, you'll be alone."

The door slammed behind her with a resounding boom that her heart lurched at for reasons she didn't understand. She looked around, suddenly longing for Mariah's presence.

The dressing room was now empty.

She was by herself.

--

Julia adored Garland's laugh. The soft fluctuating octaves, the gentle rumble of his throat, and the sparkle in his eyes lit a fire in her heart.

She found she liked his laugh a little less when it was triggered by something Mariah had said. Garland had been waiting outside the dressing room of the theatre for her, but it wasn't her presence he was currently enjoying.

"And then there was one play I was in...absolutely dreadful. No one knew what they were doing, or when to do it, isn't that right, Juli?"

She knew the play Mariah was referring to in all its awkward bumbling and misplaced lines. Julia's fingers found the bottom of her dress, playing with it idly as she met Garland's eyes. The comfort in them was all she needed.

"Yes, I recall that play. I agree, it was horrible. But I learned from the mistakes I made that day." Her palm found Garland's palm, and her gaze found Mariah's. She was strong as long as she had him.

"I wouldn't entirely agree," Mariah sighed, resting a hand on Garland's chest. Another lurch of Julia's heart and the brief flash of the word "alone".

"Juli is pretty good at what she does, but she can get a bit full of herself." Garland's comforting smile wasn't as comforting this time and she wondered if maybe he were right.

"Don't you have somewhere to go, Mariah?" It was an icy interjection, but a necessary one. She would put distance between them in any way she could.

"Ahh, yes. Of course. But it's so cold outside, and I don't have anything to cover up this sundress," she sighed. It was fake and rehearsed – masked in the way only a manipulative actress could.

"You shouldn't have worn a sundress in this weather," Julia mumbled, shocked as Garland's jacket was wrapped around Mariah's shoulders. A stab this time - betrayal within the depths of her heart.

"Thank you Garland." There was a kiss on his cheek and a short wave goodbye before she walked away, Julia stomping in the opposite direction. The kiss on Garland's cheek had felt like a slap on her own. She wanted to be by herself for once, but he pursued her.

"Whoa now! You're not mad at me, are you?" Garland gently pulled her forward, his face imploring her to forgive him. Her rough expression melted. She had to give in – she always would.

"No, not really...I mean, it was nice of you to give her that jacket but...Mariah always seems to take away everything that belongs to me." She knew it would be hard to understand, but her tone begged him to and despite the difficulty to comprehend it, he did for her sake. Garland sighed softly, pulling her forward keeping her entranced and focused entirely on him.

"Juli...She can't have this." Their fingers intertwined, his lips leaving behind a single love laced kiss on her lips.

"Promise?"

"I promise."

They embraced before he drove her home.

Somehow, his presence only served to aggravate her loneliness.

--

"Were you nervous?"

She knew what the expected answer was. It was normal to feel stage fright or at least a minor sense of turmoil at the thought of performing. For her, it served as an escape, a way to become someone else and to finally feel secure without Garland's help. She loved the thrill of the stage and longed to be on it once more.

"No, not really." The truth flowed much easier than a lie. Brooklyn's presence could elicit nothing but just that.

"Ahh well...I'm glad. I had meant to give this to you to help with stage fright but I couldn't track you down. Judging from your performance, I don't think you needed it." He hesitated and handed her something in a messy package. It was clumsy, awkward and just like him.

She loved it.

"A teddy bear. Thank you Brooklyn," she smiled, hugging him. It wasn't the warmth that shocked her, or even the tingle in her heart. For once, she didn't feel so isolated.

"You're welcome. I'm surprised Garland wasn't there...It looks like you had to walk home because of that, huh?" he shivered a little, wrapping his coat tighter around himself. She flinched at the reminder but nodded in affirmation.

"Our place is right over there, I'll be able to confront him about it in a sec." It was a second she hoped would stretch. One she could spend with Brooklyn to put off a confrontation. He could reassure her that Garland hadn't shown up for a reason.

Garland was her wall, but Brooklyn was her net.

He flashed Julia a look of concern and offered a small smile, "I hope that goes well for you. I kind of told Mystel I'd meet him somewhere but...Give me a call later tonight so I know everything went okay." He pulled her into a second embrace, this one laced with suppressed sentiment. Julia marveled at how honest his expression was, how sincere his words, and how open his feelings were.

"Of course I will Brook, thank you for everything."

He shot her a final glance filled with things she couldn't comprehend and walked away. A sharp wind blew causing her to hold the bear tightly to her chest, gazing at it with a sad expression that spoke volumes.

"You'll keep me company, right?"

It didn't respond.

She supposed it couldn't, even if it had wanted to.

--

The lights in the house were out – in every room but one. Each place she went was colder than the last.

The coldest was where the light was shining brightest. She didn't know what she had expected to find. Julia supposed that in the naïve part within her, she thought Garland would be sleeping peacefully.

He wasn't. But Mariah was.

"Juli...you're home early." He sat up and ran a hand through his light colored hair, his head turning away from hers. The colors before her blurred as tears stung her eyes. The drops ran together in light streams down her pale face leaving vicious streaks of black from her makeup. There were no stage lights to support her now, just a teddy bear and the lingering feeling of Brooklyn's hug.

"I'm not sure if I can depend on this as my home anymore."

It was a strong statement made by a weak person. Her voice fractured under the strain of keeping herself together. She was a cracked porcelain doll, and every word that Mariah had spoken that was true was another hit to her foundation.

"You can ...I told you. I told you she can't have what we have. And it was true! Every word!" Garland spluttered desperately, reaching for her.

She slipped out of his arms and away from his reach.

"She can't have what we have...but she can have sex with you?" It was hard to hear her own words. She was drowning under a barrage of "alone", "alone", "alone".

"It's not like that. I mean we did but...I couldn't save myself for you any longer. I was desperate, you know? I needed something. But it didn't tide me over as well as I thought it would...I'll wake her up, and make her go home and then you can give me the real deal, right?" His charming smile was mocking her. It was more vicious than anything Mariah had thrown her way. Mariah was upfront with her cruelty, but Garland had concealed it making it appear all the more conniving and wicked. Julia wondered how she had ever seen that as comforting.

"No, I can't. I think we ended up being very wrong together Garland. I should go now."

She didn't wait to hear his response.

--

Julia had picked a sweet gum tree to lie under. She didn't know why she was here. She supposed she had wanted to be around something true. Nature wouldn't lie.

The wind ripped at her eyes, and whipped her nose. The ground was frigid and unforgiving and even the comforting ring of her cell phone had stopped.

Brooklyn had given up trying to call her.

Her shivering had finally ceased, and a pleasant feeling of numbness was taking over. The cold had become comforting. She was growing tired, and her eyes were starting to droop. Her arms were loosely wrapped around the teddy bear Brooklyn had given her.

The stars were beautiful, and the snow that had fallen on her was just as breathtaking. She watched the sway of the sweet gum tree and wondered when the pile of snow atop her had gotten so high. It was covering what she had thought to be a pretty dress. It didn't seem quite so pretty to her now.

Julia shifted her attention to something else, straining to touch the sky. Could she reach the stars? They seemed so tangible and yet when she reached out to them, they always disappeared. Could she hear the silence? Not now, something was covering it up. Not the wind, but a voice shouting her name. It sounded desperate, sad, frustrated.

Maybe if they could all touch the stars, there would be no sadness.

"Julia!"

She wanted the sounds to go away. She wanted to feel the numbness, glide to the glittering diamonds that overlooked her, and embrace them, but something was now embracing her.

Arms. Two of them wrapped around her, hoisting her up, screams trying to jostle her awake.

The arms weren't as strong as Garland's, but they were much warmer. "Oh God Julia...Please, say something. Smile for me, move around just...Open your eyes!"

She didn't want to, but there was something soothing in his words, something familiar that made the ground feel very cold. Julia did as the voice told her to, opening her eyes with a soft smile, resting a hand on Brooklyn's cheek. "I think I'm touching stars," she croaked.

Brooklyn looked at her incredulously, shooting a forlorn glance at the sky. He cradled her in a soothing fashion, searching for something to say regardless of how meaningless it would be.

"You're not alone...I'm here now. No one can take me away from you."

The stars crashed around Julia, bathing her in their light. She wanted to dance beneath them, but didn't have the strength. She began to laugh and cry at the same time, gripping Brooklyn in her hysteria.

Mariah couldn't have this.

This was hers.


End file.
